Article
When do high standards become perfectionism?
High standards are satisfying. Perfectionism never is, and from the outside they look the same.
The short answer
High standards produce pride and rest when the work is done. Perfectionism produces relief followed by a new standard, difficulty finishing, avoidance of anything you might do badly, and self-criticism that does not stop when the task does.
How to tell them apart
- Standards let you finish. Perfectionism keeps revising.
- Standards allow good enough on small things. Perfectionism treats everything as a test.
- Standards survive a mistake. Perfectionism turns a mistake into a verdict about you.
- Standards leave room for other people's ways of doing things.
- Standards let you rest afterward.
What it costs
Perfectionism is expensive in time, sleep and relationships. It also produces procrastination, which is confusing until you realize that not starting is the safest way to avoid doing something imperfectly.
Many women describe being exhausted by work that other people found easy.
What helps
Cognitive behavioral approaches work well here: testing the prediction that good enough will be punished, practicing deliberate imperfection in low stakes places, and separating the quality of the work from your worth as a person.
The point is not lowering your standards. It is being able to put the work down.
Common questions
Will I lose my edge?
Most people find their work stays strong and costs them less.
Is perfectionism a diagnosis?
No, it is a pattern. It often shows up alongside anxiety.
Where does it come from?
Frequently from environments where being right, tidy or impressive kept things calm.
Learn more about counseling for self-worth and confidence with Lori, or browse all articles on self-worth and confidence.
Written by Lori Rasmussen, LISW, a Licensed Independent Social Worker licensed in the State of Iowa and a Certified Spiritual Director. Lori counsels women and female students in Waterloo, Iowa and online across Iowa. Articles here are meant to help you understand what you may be experiencing; they are not a diagnosis and they do not take the place of care from a professional who knows your story.
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