Article
How do I quiet the critical voice in my head?
It sounds like accountability. It is usually just cruelty with good grammar.
The short answer
The inner critic rarely responds to argument, because it is not making an argument. What tends to work is recognizing the voice, declining to obey it, and practicing a kinder and more accurate response until that response is available under pressure.
How it usually sounds
Absolute words. Always, never, everyone, obviously. It speaks in verdicts rather than observations, and it is fluent in your history.
Many women assume the voice is keeping them functional. It is worth asking whether it has ever actually made a hard thing easier.
What helps
- Name it when it speaks. That is the critic, not the truth.
- Ask what you would say to a friend in the same position, then say that.
- Look for the accurate part, keep it, and drop the insult attached to it.
- Notice when it shows up. Tiredness, hunger and comparison are common cues.
- Do the next thing anyway. Action is a better answer than debate.
Where it came from
Usually it is a borrowed voice: a parent, a coach, a teacher, a culture that discussed bodies and performance freely. Recognizing whose voice it is often takes some of the authority out of it.
Common questions
Is positive self-talk enough?
Statements you do not believe rarely help. Accurate and kind works better than positive.
What if the criticism is true?
Then keep the useful information and lose the contempt. Both can be separated.
Can counseling change this?
Yes, and it is one of the most common things women work on here.
Learn more about counseling for self-worth and confidence with Lori, or browse all articles on self-worth and confidence.
Written by Lori Rasmussen, LISW, a Licensed Independent Social Worker licensed in the State of Iowa and a Certified Spiritual Director. Lori counsels women and female students in Waterloo, Iowa and online across Iowa. Articles here are meant to help you understand what you may be experiencing; they are not a diagnosis and they do not take the place of care from a professional who knows your story.
Reaching out can be the first step.
You don't need to know exactly what to say, or have anything figured out, before you contact Lori.
Or email rasmussencounselingandsd@gmail.com