Article
Who am I when I am not producing something?
Take away the roles and the to-do list and many capable women do not know what is left.
The short answer
When identity is built on usefulness, rest and transitions feel destabilizing rather than restful. Rebuilding a sense of self usually starts with preferences, values and relationships that do not depend on what you produce.
How it happens
Roles accumulate. Student, employee, wife, mother, volunteer, the one people rely on. Each is real, and together they can leave no space for a self that is not on duty.
It often surfaces at a transition: graduation, a job loss, children leaving, an illness, or a quiet week that suddenly feels alarming.
Where to start
- Name three preferences that are entirely yours, however small.
- Do one thing weekly that produces nothing.
- Notice which parts of your roles you actually love.
- Spend time with people who are not depending on you.
- For women of faith, consider who you are to God when you are not being useful.
Where counseling and spiritual direction fit
This question sits on the border between the two. Counseling addresses the anxiety and beliefs underneath it. Spiritual direction attends to what God may be doing in it. Lori offers both and can help you decide which fits.
Common questions
Is this a midlife thing?
It can surface at any age, and it is very common at transitions.
Is it wrong to want to be useful?
No. The question is whether your worth depends on it.
Which should I choose, counseling or spiritual direction?
Lori can help you sort that out in a first conversation.
Learn more about counseling for women and female students with Lori, or browse all articles for women and female students.
Written by Lori Rasmussen, LISW, a Licensed Independent Social Worker licensed in the State of Iowa and a Certified Spiritual Director. Lori counsels women and female students in Waterloo, Iowa and online across Iowa. Articles here are meant to help you understand what you may be experiencing; they are not a diagnosis and they do not take the place of care from a professional who knows your story.
Reaching out can be the first step.
You don't need to know exactly what to say, or have anything figured out, before you contact Lori.
Or email rasmussencounselingandsd@gmail.com