Article
Why is it so hard to accept a compliment?
Someone says something kind and you are already explaining why it is not quite true.
The short answer
Compliments are uncomfortable when they conflict with what you believe about yourself. Deflecting resolves the conflict quickly, and it also keeps the belief in place, because nothing kind ever gets to land.
What is happening in that moment
A compliment briefly asks you to hold a view of yourself you do not hold. That mismatch is genuinely uncomfortable, so you correct it: it was nothing, anyone could have, you should have seen the mess.
Some women also learned that accepting praise looks like pride, particularly in families or faith communities where humility was emphasized. Receiving kindness graciously is not pride.
What to practice
- Say thank you and stop there. Add nothing.
- Let it be awkward for three seconds. The awkwardness passes.
- Write down compliments you receive, because you will otherwise not remember them.
- Notice which ones are hardest. That usually tells you where the belief lives.
- Offer specific praise to other people and watch how it feels to give.
The larger pattern
Deflecting praise is rarely a standalone habit. It usually sits inside a broader sense of not being quite enough, which is workable in counseling.
Common questions
Is accepting a compliment prideful?
No. Receiving something kindly is closer to gratitude than to pride.
Why do compliments about my body feel worst?
Body comments are often the most loaded, and it is fine to receive them briefly and move on.
Can this get easier?
Yes, usually with practice rather than insight alone.
Learn more about counseling for self-worth and confidence with Lori, or browse all articles on self-worth and confidence.
Written by Lori Rasmussen, LISW, a Licensed Independent Social Worker licensed in the State of Iowa and a Certified Spiritual Director. Lori counsels women and female students in Waterloo, Iowa and online across Iowa. Articles here are meant to help you understand what you may be experiencing; they are not a diagnosis and they do not take the place of care from a professional who knows your story.
Reaching out can be the first step.
You don't need to know exactly what to say, or have anything figured out, before you contact Lori.
Or email rasmussencounselingandsd@gmail.com